Common Sense Geezers
Just popped over to the BNP live TV stream to check out Nick Griffin’s chubby reaction to today’s egging. I’ve never really looked into the BNP much, I have always maintained I vote just to keep the BNP out, but I really didn’t know much about them apart from what I’ve seen in comedy shows or chatting to the ocassional thick retail co-worker. For me, the BNP has alway been somewhat like the band Biffy Clyro. I knew they were shit and was always happy to have them floating about somewhere in the backwaters of indie music. Every once in a while they would release another flop of an album to luke warm reception and I’d drop by just to quickly laugh at the cover art and think ‘bless them… they think they’re a proper band’. Then all of a sudden they have a breakthrough hit and they’re everywhere. Stunned by the horrid blandness of it all, I can’t help but feel the surprise is somehow my fault. I have had the power and time to face this onslaught of shite a long time ago, acclimatise myself to it and prepare by taping my windows and hiding in the cellar.
Now, being the BNP, their live stream failed and they resorted to a broadcast of an old Griffin speech from somewhere in the midlands (the sign behind him proclaims them to be in ‘black country’) in a room that looks like a hastily assembled birthday party in the Rovers Return. I have my first proper taste of the gobbledigook that I have long had an inkling fell out of his mouth like a piss rainbow. His speech is based firmly in an old form of socio-economic research pioneered at the ‘University of Something Dave’s Mate from Down the Social Told Me at the Weekend, Love’, painting a picture of easily digestible controversies and half baked injustices to the good working people of Britain. For instance, Polish people don’t have to pay taxes if they leave the country within a year, and so leave and come back under a different identity every 11.5 months. I’d wager money on this being a baseless accusation. Fairly harmless thick-people rabble rousing at first glance but in ten minutes of listening he made the following two assertions, as asides, apropos of almost nothing:
1) Global warming is the direct result of ‘third worlders’ letting their goats eat all the trees.
2) Chinese students in this country are actually here as corporate spies to steal our secrets.
Nick Griffin reminds me a little of ‘The Plague’ in the movie Hackers. He is smug and self assured, like he knows something we don’t know, and these little facts he throws us are favours. He also has a glint in his eye that lets you know that should the European Parliament not bend to his will he’ll smash Jonny Lee Miller’s stereo with a baseball bat (in this analogy, Jonny Lee Miller’s stereo is Romania and the baseball bat is the slightly bewildered RAF). The glint in his other eye lets you know he is up to something and has an endgame involving him walking away with serious wealth. Also he rides a bitchin’ skateboard throught the streets at night.
I think that in a fair democracy it was a little out of order egging him up when he was trying to give a speech (about how Botswana is actually a 600 square kilometer wolf having a lie down with towns on his back or something), but shouldn’t a pre-requisite to being allowed into the political system be at least a vague attempt to cloak your lying? Then they could be a proper respected party and release an album like ‘Puzzle’.
P.S I haven’t decided to try and be Charlie Brooker, I just felt like typing something and I haven’t properly formed my stories of today’s volunteer meeting in my head yet… maybe tomorrow.
